Bummed Out Christmas, various artists (Rhino)

Another of the great Rhino Christmas compilations, this one tracks the dark side of the holiday. Look at the titles: "Christmas in Jail," "Christmas Spirit???," "Don't Believe in Christmas," "Santa Got a DWI," and this obscure Everly Brothers classic, "Christmas Eve Can Kill You." There's also "Christmas in Viet Nam" and the Staples Singers demanding to know "Who Took the Merry Out of Christmas?" Possibly the apex of this collection is "Who Say There Ain't No Santa Claus" by Ron Holden and the Thunderbirds, in which the singer starts out by celebrating the big insurance settlement he got from his wife's death and ends up in the chair after being convicted of her murder. Bummed out Christmas, indeed.

"Santafly/Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope," Martin Mull (Capricorn)

Most people only know Martin Mull from his comic acting turns in various sitcoms and movies and his recurring role on "Roseanne" as Leon, the homosexual boss from hell. Back in the 70s, though, he had a recording career as a satiric pop-folk singer and did six or seven albums of humorous songs and pop parodies. "Santa Doesn't Cop Out" is a little too cute (and Sonic Youth's version isn't much of an improvement), but "Santafly" is a hilarious takeoff of 70s r 'n b, blaxploitation soundtrack division. None of Martin's original albums are currently in print, to my knowledge, although there is a compilation set, but these two songs are part of Rhino's Have a Nice Christmas compilation.

"Dear Santa (Bring Me a Man This Christmas)," The Weather Girls (CBS)

Writers are listed as disco writer/producer Paul Jabara and a P. Shaffer, who may or may not be David Letterman's bandleader. I don't know that much about the record, but given the humorous tone, it just might be him. The Weather Girls were that most ephemeral of entities, a disco novelty act whose big hit was "It's Raining Men," and former member Martha Wash later was known for claiming to have done lead vocal chores on Paula Abdul records without credit. Nevertheless, the Weather Girls could sing and jive, and this record just oozes attitude, even if the backing is straight assembly line late 70s disco. My copy is a promo 45, but I'm pretty sure it has turned up on one CBS/Sony compilation CD or another in recent years.

Have a Nice Christmas: Holiday Hits of the 1970s, various artists (Rhino)

Shudder. I realize the 70s are back for the teens and twentysomethings among us, but those of us who actually lived through that wretched decade are keeping a whole generation of psychoanalysts in leather office furniture and cell phone-equipped Lexuses as we seek help with the psychic fallout from those years. That said, this compilation of holiday tunes, while highly toxic to 70s veterans like myself, still manages to have a number of cuts of interest. Both of Martin Mull's Christmas songs are here, the hilarious blaxploitation parody "Santafly" and the cautionary "Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope." Cheech and Chong's "Santa Claus and His Old Lady" is here too. Gary Glitter weighs in with "Another Rock 'N Roll Christmas" and Jim Croce, the Chuck Berry of folk music, offers his own "It Doesn't Have To Be That Way." A sappy instrumental of "The Christmas Song" by The Jimmy Castor Bunch was a major disappointment to those of us who know Jimmy's work on "Troglodyte," and slightly cracked folkie Melanie's "Merry Christmas" is about what you'd expect. As for the rest, I'll just rattle off the artists: Bobby Sherman (twice!), The Osmonds and Donnie and Marie, Liberace, Glen Campbell, Ricky Segall and The Segalls, Grandpa Walton, and, so bad it's almost good, Wayne Newton's "Jingle Bell Hustle."

Christmas Jollies, The Salsoul Orchestra (Salsoul)

While we're on the subject of the 1970s, we may as well get right down to the real nitty-gritty. Musically, that was a real love-hate decade for a lot of us, in that there was a lot of great music around, but almost none of it hit the charts because of the double-barreled assault of corporate rock and disco. The Salsoul Orchestra was the brainchild of Vincent Montana Jr., who worked behind the scenes on the many disco releases of the Salsoul label. Since everybody from Barbra Streisand to Wayne Newton to Blondie was making disco records in the second half of the decade, a disco Christmas record was almost inevitable, and this is it. There are a few original tunes, but the second half of this program is taken up by a lengthy "Christmas Medley" of familiar carols in disco, followed by a "New Year's Medley" that starts with Montana's "Auld Lang Disco" and segues, inexplicably, into "I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover," "Alabama Jubilee," "Oh, Dem Golden Slippers" and "God Bless America." You twentysomethings may find this quaint, a lot of rock fans are already blaring "DISCO SUCKS!" at the top of their lungs, and I say it's so bad it's almost worthwhile. By the way, it's been reissued several times since 1976 under different titles with different covers, but the ones I've seen always seem to have a back view of a woman wearing a T-shirt that says "Dance Your As (sic) to Salsoul" on it, with badly airbrushed fur around the bottom to cover up what once was her bare butt.

"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer," Elmo and Patsy (Stiff)

This quasi-country novelty record originated on the Pat label in Tennessee in 1979 and was picked up by British punk-new wave label Stiff in 1980; it was several more years before American radio got hold of it and played it into the ground. The familiar version was re-recorded, however, and is a lot more cornball-sounding than the original. If I have to endure this record, I prefer it be the original version. Somewhere along the line, Elmo got his Ph.D. and is now referred to as "Dr. Elmo," and he has recorded such follow-ups as "Grandpa's Gonna Sue the Pants off Santa," "Don't Make Me Play that Grandma Song Again" and "Kenneth Starr is Coming To Town." Update: Pam Wendell, Dr. Elmo's publicist, writes to tell us that the artist is a retired veterinarian, hence the Dr. designation. His latest work was a 2005 Halloween CD, Dr. Elmo Sings the Boos.